Experiment Two.

I slit his throat in three deft strokes, henceforth removing his cleanly shaven head from his body. As blood spurted from the veins sticking out of his open neck, I reached out a gloved hand and pick his head up from off the ground, looking into the face still etched with surprise.

“A fine specimen.” I gloat proudly before tossing it into the wheelbarrow with the others. I turn towards my assistant who held a moist towelette out for my retrieval. As I’m wiping clean my favored gloves, I kick the decapitated body into the open grave, wittily disguised as a flower bed with the clever use of a tablecloth, and smile with satisfaction.

“Well now we only need to acquire another dozen or so craniums and we should have enough to start the next stage of research.” I inform my assistant, who merely nods his head. “And what would the research be for my master?” He asks with a subtle tone of intrigue. I reply with a sweep of my hands, whipping out a scribbled blueprint from out my lab coat.

“Contemporary flower pots of course!” I squeal and point it out eagerly upon the paper. My assistant merely raises an eyebrow. “A… flower pot?” He repeats incredulously and I nod ecstatically. “Amazing idea no?” I giggle and he lets out a long breath.

“But why human heads?” He asks and I throw my hands up in the air. “A hook of course! Everybody with a brain knows that the basic flowerpot is made out of COMMON material, i.e. plastic, clay or metal. I want to up the ante with something much more acceptable to modern society!” I point out key points of my blueprint. “Not only does the hollowed out skull contain soil and water easily, but the overall design will allow people to familiarize themselves with the flower pot on a more emotional level.”

I lift a head up from out of the wheelbarrow, “Who wouldn’t want to see their Aunt Bernadette whenever they watered their daffodils?” I look at the emancipated head and notice it’s tongue lolling out as blood dripped from its lips. A grunt of disgust and I plop it back down onto the pile. “Besides, they’re biodegradable, which is a plus when pleasing the tree huggers.”

For some odd reason my exemplary motion to educate my assistant to just how revolutionary this plan was it actually did little to impress him. As I found my only reward to be a stifled yawn. “I find the entire notion to be completely absurd. Whatever happened to your tea cozy experiment?” He queries and my mind flashes back to my experiment to genetically infuse my mother’s tea cozies with gerbil dna and it only resulted in disaster when I realized that they were in heat.

I unconsciously cover my buttocks and simply shrug in response. “Miscalculations were made and certain laws were passed to protect a new species of uber gerbil. Unfortunately not a success but it did glean an amazing amount of research into genetic splicing.” My assistant looks at me. “And what did you learn from it?” He asks. “Well for one I learned never to endow tea cozies with the proper equipment to make successful penetration which won’t happen again I can tell you.”

My assistant just sighs, “And what’s telling you that these cranial flower pots aren’t going to fail as well?” I could feel my respect for him plummet. “You have never been a scientist have you?” I ask with squinted eyes. “Seeing as I’m in the employ of you I can aptly respond no.” He answers and my eye twitches.

“Okay then! Moving on, who do you think would be the next volunteer to give his head to science?” I ask and he looks around. “Hmm… let me see…” As soon as his back was turned I take the hedge clippers from out the wheelbarrow and aptly lop the man’s head off.

Watching it bounce upon the ground whilst his body just fell over, I toss the clippers over my shoulder, leaning over and picking up the head and facing him towards me. “Well now look what’s befallen you.” I say before sticking my hand into his neck wound. “Aye,” I respond in a mock voice while prodding muscles to make his mouth move. “I seem to have lost my head.”

I sigh, “Well it happens a lot in this kind of business, you might not have noticed, but I’m a tad loopy myself.” The head sighs, “Well if it makes you feel better, I think you’re an amazing scientist, and I’m sure you’re flower pot idea will triumph magnificently.”

I blush, “Aw you’re too kind sir.” He looks at me, an eye slightly lolling. “No no, you’re too kind Amadeus.” He insists and I smile. “Well thank you.” I reply and kick his head into the wheelbarrow. “Okay gents and gentlewomen; keep all hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times!” I laugh as I take the handles of the wheelbarrow and start on my merry way.