Experiment One.

The sweat that beaded down my brow emphasized just how excruciatingly perfect the next few seconds had to be. My eyes set like concrete behind goggled spectacles that would most probably protect my retinas from melting should my experiment backfire and remove every ounce of flesh from my brittle bones.

My eyes widened as I set the specimen within the confines of the apparatus. Jolts of electricity spiraling through large generators with enough static energy to cause the hairs on the back of my neck to raise upright. 

I slammed shut the metal door with a loud metallic clang that mutated to a slurp as pressure inside the machine increased tenfold.

A row of flipped switches and twisted knobs and the inside of the machine burst into flames that circled the specimen with a flurry of roars and embers, instantly crisping it evenly, inside and out. I’m wrapping a rubber gloved hand tightly around the handle of a large switch circled with a large menagerie of red stickers that proclaimed ‘DO NOT TOUCH’ in white letters.

My lips peeled back in a maniacal smile punctuated by white gritted teeth that seemed to glow within the blue light cast off by large bolts of lightning that spieled through monstrous conductors that spiraled around the room amongst the wiring and machinery.

A loud bell tore through the air with an explosive crescendo that could have made the blood explode from out my ears had they not have done so last experiment. 

A laugh tore through my throat with a passion one would only find in mentally unbalanced neighbors at two in the morning on a Monday. My eyes aglow with an expectation that made the next few moments move by at a snail’s pace.

I slammed down upon the switch and watched as the air within the machine got violently sucked out through large tubes that then routed the roaring flames into an orphanage a few towns away, replacing the lack of air within the apparatus with recycled air that’s kept refrigerated along with a multitude of test subjects and bagels from my freezer.

I skip across my laboratory like a petty little schoolgirl, thrusting out my hands and throwing myself into an enormous red button than released the hatch to the inside of the machine within a large cloud of steam and other foreign substances that could most probably contain a strain of a mutated flu virus that has a history of spontaneous decapitation and or explosive swelling of the genitalia.

My attention was focused elsewhere, as the billowy clouds dispersed to reveal the specimen propped up upon it’s pedestal within the machine. 

A tentative hand is reached out and I’m feeling six months of sleepless nights and four grand worth of redbull warm the palm of my hand as I gently held it an inch from my nose, it’s intoxicating smell drifting by upon a wave of irresistibility.

“It’s…. perfect.” I lift up my goggles and wipe the lens before thrusting my arm triumphantly into the air. “Viola! I, Doctor Amadeus have constructed a device that heats perishable foods up with microscopic waves of concentrated energy! Behold! The perfect Hot Pocket!”

With a flourish I delve my teeth deep into the crust and immediately feel a burning spurt of an inner filling that I immediately spat out upon the floor in disgust. I look down at the half chewed lump that lay pulsing upon the floor, a green froth foaming as it helplessly squeals “Mommy!” in a light wispy moan.

“Now how the bloody fuck did I just do that?” I ask myself before punching a blue button to my left. “Note to self, contents of hot pockets somehow become reanimated after being heated in apparatus. Must look into either the ingredients on the back of the box, or into the radioactive thermal energy I use to power machine…”

I glance over at the mutated hot pocket from hell in my hand and see a small meaty hand gently tugging at my lab coat. I toss the abomination across the room and squirm at the mere memory that I had put that thing in my damned mouth…