Experiment Four.

The second I heard that knock on the door I felt my entire body go numb in fear, which was probably not the best thing because from out my fingers slipped a test tube filled to the brim with a lightish pink liquid that thusly spilled all over the ground, seeping into the hardwood floor and reanimating it into a bestial treeant which aptly ripped itself free from the floor, punched me in the eye with what I suspect was a more insipid tree limb, and jumped out the window and out of sight.

Being used to such things happening on a day to day basis I merely shrugged it off before straightening my lab coat and taking strides towards the front door, my mind screaming for me to just hide in the broom closet and pretend I’m not home, whilst my heart simply reconciled that I just take out from that broom closet the flamethrower I had the tendency to use on girl scouts and Mormons.

Instead I took a long breath and swept open the door to reveal a six year old girl with thin lips and glasses that took up a majority of her face. Her curly blonde hair swept back in a notoriously pink ponytail and muddy green eyes staring up at me with a heavy offset of sarcastic wit that I could already tell was going to highly irritate me.

But what caught my attention most of all was not the obvious quantity of adorable cuteness that adorned this child as it would any other pre teenage snot bag, but the bright yellow cutoff tee she wore with the insidious insignia of none other than Devo brandished upon its chest.

I felt bile rise in the back of my throat and it was all that I could do but to slightly avert my gaze so not to have that horrific debauchery of music held within my line of sight. So I rip my gaze away from the child and instead place it firmly upon the birdbath that sat in the neighbor’s lawn across the street.

“Good day to you young Elenoir! Surprised to see you on such a decrepit Saturday. Though I must admit, you look very mature for someone of six years.” I compliment her greatly yet she only seems to cast me a blank stare. “That’s because the last time you saw me I was six.” She responds with a voice just starting to adopt more adult tones than the squeaky ones of a child.

“Ah yes, indeed you are correct, I haven’t seen you for… how long… a year?” Elenoir just sighs. “Nope.” I think a moment. “Two years?” She shakes her head. “Three years?” she says nothing. “Four years?” She yawns. “Five years?” I plead and she glares at me, “Try six.” She seethes and I slap my head. “Oh of course! That was my next guess.”

The now revealed to actually be a twelve year old instead of a six year old rolls her eyes, “Can I come in now? I’m hungry, tired, and I want to see just how much a failure you are before I completely ignore you for the next two months.”

I’m watching a bluebird slowly bathe itself across the street before realizing that I was being talked to. “Are you retarded or something? Did grandma drop you when you were a baby?” I’m casting a stare down at the child, a hint of irritation coursing through my veins. 

“Your grandmother dropped me on a multitude of occasions, sometimes just for the fuck of it. And I can promise you that such incidents have no adverse effects on babies, I know, I tested the theory. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a moment to go deal with the mutant tree monster now tearing apart my neighbor across the street.”