Experiment Thirteen.

After a few days of deep thought and research, experimentation, and unquantifiable amounts of tacos, I lastly figured out how to dispose of the niece I never wanted. My final trial run proceeded as smoothly as the previous had, with the specimen reacting exactly as it should when affected by the serum I amusingly enough called ‘Formula 69’.

The plan shall go as follows, using a special gas pellet I crafted myself, I shall shoot Elenoir in the face, therefore unleashing countless weeks of pent up aggression as well as inflicting what I call, euphoria over the little heathen. Henceforth, if everything goes as well as the experiments have, she will aptly fall into lust with the first thing she sees, which with careful planning shall be nothing else than a gecko that I had personally fused with a fifteen megaton bomb.

As soon as she falls head of heels for the beastie, I will set it loose from the house and watch the resulting fireworks as Elenoir tries to hug the thing as the bombs timer hits zero. I can therefore claim no responsibility for her unfortunate demise, instead allowing me to place the blame on spontaneous reptilian combustion.

The plan was genius. I was a genius. I felt almost giddy with excitement as I gathered the gas pellets, paintball gun, and sickly looking lizard before making my way up the stairs that led out of my lab. Peeking my head out into the hallway to make sure Elenoir wasn’t anywhere within the immediate facility before tip toeing out from the darkness and placing the lizard on the floor.

“Stay… Stay.” I whisper to the reptile, the creature making no acknowledgement of my demand beyond that of licking his left eye occasionally, which I took as an assurance that it wasn’t going to go anywhere. I therefore load a single pellet into the paintball gun, toggling the pressure gauge with a flip of my finger and hearing that immediate slurp of air as it’s released from its confined cage.

It was now time to go child hunting.

Quickly taking a series of careful steps I placed myself tenderly around the corner of the living room archway, out of sight of the silent Elenoir that naturally as ever sat comfortably upon the couch with occult book in hand. I slid the muzzle of the gun around the corner, peeking a single goggled eye to take careful aim. Then take the shot.

A small spurt of air sends the pellet soaring through the air, a blur of pink speeding directly at the tiny Elenoir, my eyes widening as I prepare to rush back and grab my gecko bomb, when my supposedly perfect shot slipped by Elenoir’s cheek by a mere inch, catching her attention, but instead shattering the glass sculpture of Orson Wells that sat on the shelf behind her.

Her eyes immediately tore a hole through me, as I stood half posed to run, gun in hand. She put two and two together as fast as a supercomputer, and within an instant she was on her feet, fists raised, and charging at me. “You bastard!” She screamed in an almost inhuman rage.

I staggered for a moment before taking off down the hall, struggling to figure out how my perfect aim had betrayed me at such a critical time, mind you it was the first time I ever fired a gun in real life, but countless years of Halo had made me so certain I had an aim that could fend off armies! I struggled to reload another pellet into the gun whilst simultaneously trying to outrun the demon I unintentionally unleashed in the other room.

Considering my hand/eye coordination was incredible, my ability to run while reloading was contrastingly lacking, and to my horror I found a wall jump in front of me to impede my progress before its undeniable stopping power. The gun went into my stomach, knocking the air from my lungs, followed by the rest of my body, crushing the pocketful of gas pellets held within my front pocket and filling the room with a pink haze of gas.

A soon as my ass hit the ground I breathed in two lungs full of the substance as I unconsciously inhaled. My mind instantly going sporadic as Elenoir then entered my vision, unknowingly breathing in the substance herself. It was at this moment that her angry eyes turned towards me, and I noticed them soften. My mind froze as a single thought ran through it like a silver sword. Oh fuck.

The next I knew I was sitting up in a panic, glancing all around me while an incoherent stream of half formed words spilled from my mouth, but it all came back to one overwhelming question. “Where the fuck are my goggles!” I scream frantically.

“I think you have more important thing to be worried about.” Elenoir replies quietly next to me and I rapidly glance over to see her tucked beneath the covers that blanketed me as well. It was at this moment that I noticed her bare shoulders, her tangled hair, my shirtless torso, and with a twist of the arm I tore the blanket from atop us to reveal our bodies and their lack of clothes, my partial erection, and the gecko staring blankly up at me.